Yesterday.....it happened.....

I turned 41!!!!  There...I said it!  Didn't want to say it, just wanted to skip it.  I said last year, when the BIG 40 happened that this year I would be in a different, better place.  Well, I am in a "different" stage of my life, but not so sure it is a better stage.  I am just trusting that God has it all in His hands.  Letting go and letting God direct my path.

I have been busy sending out resumes and filling out online applications.  I have only heard back from ONE company.  Please join me in prayer that IF this is the job that God has prepared for me, I will get this job!  I have a interview tomorrow at 2:00 p.m..

Dear God,

How much do you think I can handle?  I need a break...I am just so overwhelmed.  I have just started getting back to normal after the cancer and the surgeries, and the bad knees...etc. Then I lose my job, Lord, for the last two weeks I have been trusting...I have been believing that you are in control.  But today, today Lord, was just to much!  Why did the events of today have to happen?  I don't know how much more I can take!  I feel like I just want to go to sleep and STAY asleep!  Please, please allow things to get a bit easier for me, please!
Amen

I don't know if I ever mentioned on my blog that I had a younger brother.  He was just 18 months younger than me.  When we were growing up, we got along so well. Because we were so close in age, we did everything together.  As we got older, I was the one to keep him "calm" and he the same for me.  His name was Billy.....Billy had a son...a precious boy that was a spitting image of my brother.  Zach was almost two yrs old when his Daddy died.

Billy was drinking and driving....and as a result, he was speeding.  He came around a curve in the road, just as a 18 wheeler was pulling out of a side street.  Billy hit his breaks, but he was just going to fast.  The police said that from the skid marks in the road, they could tell that at the point of impact, Billy was going 70 miles an hour....he went under the bed of the truck, and died a few minutes later.  Billy was just two blocks from home...

My nephew and his Mom moved to Fort Wayne and have been there since.  Up until about 10 years ago, I made a couple trips a year to visit him.  then his mom's lifestyle changed.  She decided that I could not come visit.  i still kept in touch with Zach...I would call him at his step dads house.  and I would send his bday and Christmas gifts to that house as well.  I spoke to Zach several times a year...his bday, Christmas and my bday.  He was a precious boy!

Today....I got a phone call.  A phone call that I wish I had never got!  My precious nephew, 19 years old, was killed in a car accident.  He was hit by a drunk driver!  My heart sang!  I can not take much more!  I don't understand why? 

Please pray for his Mom and Dad....Michael ( his step dad) is the only Daddy Zach ever knew.  And Michael loved him very much!

I've been thinking...

What is really keeping me here?  Maybe me losing my job is a good thing.  Maybe its God's way of telling me that its time to move on!

After all, there really is nothing keeping me here.  I don't have any family, to speak of, to keep me here.  And the family that I do have, really it is not in my best interest to have anything to do with them.  I use to say that I stayed for friends, but really, is that a reason?  I have learned that, well, friendships come and go.  That they seem to be around for a season.  And however thankful I am for the time they are in my life, they are not always gonna be there.

I do have some great kids in my life here..but is that enough to keep me here?  Really, they are all old enough to travel to visit.  I don't know, I'm just thinking out loud.  But maybe...just maybe...

I can just see Cooper and I back in Colorado.  It is so beautiful there.  The weather is so much cooler.  Or maybe California, it may be hot there, but it is not as humid there.

What to do!  I don't even know if anyone even reads this, but if you are out there reading...please pray for me.  Pray that I will know what do to.  Pray that God will open up whatever doors need to be open.  That I either find a job here, or that a door opens for me to move on.  Pray that my heart be guarded, and that I make the right choices.

As of right now....I have had no leads on a job.  As of right now, I think I would scare anyone that wanted to interview me, since I have cried for a week!  NOT PRETTY!

OH, WHAT TO DO.......