It's a battle that I prayed I would never have to fight....again

Whew!  Where do I even start?  I am sure that no one really even reads my blog, it is just for me.  I have been asked by my Pastor to start keeping a journal, so I figure I will just keep it here.

If you read my blog...back in the day when I actually posted here....you may remember that I was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was just 34 years old.  I fought an beat that cancer hands down!  Little did I know at the time that I would have to face it again.  I entered into my 2nd occurrence just two years after finishing treatment the first time.  The second battle was much harder.  I not only had to fight the cancer, but I also had to fight the insurance company for any treatment that was not the "norm".  And since the traditional form of treatment had not been successful, I had to look out of the norm and try to beat the cancer.  I took a LONG time...fought for almost two years.  But I did fight it, and I did win the battle!

I was so very excited when I was finally told that there was NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE.  I cried for days, but this time the tears did not flow out of sadness, but out of TOTAL joy!  I went to my follow-up appointments, ran all the tests that had to be ran on a normal bases and rejoiced every time that the scans and blood work showed that I was still cancer free.  I thought, I can do!  I can make it to the five year mark and celebrate!

That was until March of 2011.  I went for the usual PetScan, blood work, etc....and I waited....and I waited....and....I waited.  I knew that the waiting was not a good sign.  I had always heard within a day or two the results.  It was going on a week and a half and still now news.  Fear set in and it set in fast!  I called my prayer warriors and prayer began!

Two weeks to the day of having the test ran, I got the call....you know the one.  The one where the nurse says "Ms. Galbraith, Dr. So-an-So would like  you to come in to discuss your test results". My heart sank!  I knew what that meant...or so I thought.  I was so not ready to hear what I was told.

The nurse sat me down, offered me a bottle of water (that has NEVER happened) and said the Dr. would be right in, would I like her to stay with me.  Would I like her to stay with me? Really? Why?  Never had I been asked that.  Oh my!  Talk about shaking in your shoes!!  I began to sweat, my hands began to shake, and I just knew that I was gonna throw up.  It seemed like HOURS till the Dr. came in, but when he did, I could tell on his face that the cancer was back.

He sat down and went over all the results.  He showed me the films from the PetScan...but this time, it was not breast images he was showing me.  I was not even sure what the image was at first.  Then he said it...I had Stage 3, secondary breast cancer to the right lung and liver....what?  what did you just say? Lung? Liver?  What?

I bawled! My shirt was soaked from the tears flowing down my face.  This was not part of the plan.  I was suppose to hear no evidence of disease.  Not lung cancer....Not stage 3. I was not a smoker, (OK, I smoked a little in high school, and the first couple of years after graduation, but it was only casually.  Only when out with friends, like maybe 4 times a month, and even then, it was just one smoke....  How on earth did I have lung cancer!  yes, I know, it is "secondary breast cancer"...whatever!  It is cancer, and it is in my lung!

I started with chemo AGAIN...let me just say...there is NOTHING good about chemo!  NOTHING!  It makes you feel so bad. It leaves you drained, it leaves you with chunks of hair falling out, it leaves you weak, it leaves you laying on the bathroom floor because you are afraid to be to far from the toilet.  I was told I would have to take it everyday for 4 months.  It was an oral chemo, suppose to be easier on you.  I needed this so that I could continue to work.  After four months more tests were done.  The results showed that the chemo had not been working.  Well, actually it did...just not the way we had hoped.  The cancer had stopped the cancer from growing but it had not shrunk the mass either.  So, we switched to yet another chemo...one that was stronger, with hopes that this would be it.

Well, that's all I can do for now.  I am drained.  Who knew that writing this all down would be so emotional.  I will finish the story tomorrow.

I have been MIA

I know it has been almost a year since my last post....it has been a CRAZY year and there has been alot going on.  I will be back soon with an update...

Yesterday.....it happened.....

I turned 41!!!!  There...I said it!  Didn't want to say it, just wanted to skip it.  I said last year, when the BIG 40 happened that this year I would be in a different, better place.  Well, I am in a "different" stage of my life, but not so sure it is a better stage.  I am just trusting that God has it all in His hands.  Letting go and letting God direct my path.

I have been busy sending out resumes and filling out online applications.  I have only heard back from ONE company.  Please join me in prayer that IF this is the job that God has prepared for me, I will get this job!  I have a interview tomorrow at 2:00 p.m..

Dear God,

How much do you think I can handle?  I need a break...I am just so overwhelmed.  I have just started getting back to normal after the cancer and the surgeries, and the bad knees...etc. Then I lose my job, Lord, for the last two weeks I have been trusting...I have been believing that you are in control.  But today, today Lord, was just to much!  Why did the events of today have to happen?  I don't know how much more I can take!  I feel like I just want to go to sleep and STAY asleep!  Please, please allow things to get a bit easier for me, please!
Amen

I don't know if I ever mentioned on my blog that I had a younger brother.  He was just 18 months younger than me.  When we were growing up, we got along so well. Because we were so close in age, we did everything together.  As we got older, I was the one to keep him "calm" and he the same for me.  His name was Billy.....Billy had a son...a precious boy that was a spitting image of my brother.  Zach was almost two yrs old when his Daddy died.

Billy was drinking and driving....and as a result, he was speeding.  He came around a curve in the road, just as a 18 wheeler was pulling out of a side street.  Billy hit his breaks, but he was just going to fast.  The police said that from the skid marks in the road, they could tell that at the point of impact, Billy was going 70 miles an hour....he went under the bed of the truck, and died a few minutes later.  Billy was just two blocks from home...

My nephew and his Mom moved to Fort Wayne and have been there since.  Up until about 10 years ago, I made a couple trips a year to visit him.  then his mom's lifestyle changed.  She decided that I could not come visit.  i still kept in touch with Zach...I would call him at his step dads house.  and I would send his bday and Christmas gifts to that house as well.  I spoke to Zach several times a year...his bday, Christmas and my bday.  He was a precious boy!

Today....I got a phone call.  A phone call that I wish I had never got!  My precious nephew, 19 years old, was killed in a car accident.  He was hit by a drunk driver!  My heart sang!  I can not take much more!  I don't understand why? 

Please pray for his Mom and Dad....Michael ( his step dad) is the only Daddy Zach ever knew.  And Michael loved him very much!

I've been thinking...

What is really keeping me here?  Maybe me losing my job is a good thing.  Maybe its God's way of telling me that its time to move on!

After all, there really is nothing keeping me here.  I don't have any family, to speak of, to keep me here.  And the family that I do have, really it is not in my best interest to have anything to do with them.  I use to say that I stayed for friends, but really, is that a reason?  I have learned that, well, friendships come and go.  That they seem to be around for a season.  And however thankful I am for the time they are in my life, they are not always gonna be there.

I do have some great kids in my life here..but is that enough to keep me here?  Really, they are all old enough to travel to visit.  I don't know, I'm just thinking out loud.  But maybe...just maybe...

I can just see Cooper and I back in Colorado.  It is so beautiful there.  The weather is so much cooler.  Or maybe California, it may be hot there, but it is not as humid there.

What to do!  I don't even know if anyone even reads this, but if you are out there reading...please pray for me.  Pray that I will know what do to.  Pray that God will open up whatever doors need to be open.  That I either find a job here, or that a door opens for me to move on.  Pray that my heart be guarded, and that I make the right choices.

As of right now....I have had no leads on a job.  As of right now, I think I would scare anyone that wanted to interview me, since I have cried for a week!  NOT PRETTY!

OH, WHAT TO DO.......

I never saw it coming...

I may have complained about my job...but I did like it. I enjoyed getting to talk to folks from all over the country. I loved the hours, and the insurance was the best!

So, I never saw it coming...I went to work Friday, like I did any other day. My day started at 3:15 a.m. and I was at my desk working by 5:30 a.m. I took an average of 756 calls from 5:30-1:00, and then it happened. A bunch of us are told to go to the conference room...even members of management were sitting around the table. And there was unfamiliar faces standing.

That is when it happened! We no longer had a job! A new company had bought us out and they decided not to keep any of the full time employees. They did keep  the part time folks, but then why not, they don't have to pay benefits.

So now the hunt is on for a job~I don't like looking for a job! And I struggle with finding one that will hire a 40+ yr old, with no college education and a cancer history.

Please pray a job opens up for me...

Happy Birthday Cooper!

I know, I know....I am one of those crazy people who celebrate my pups birthday!  Cooper was given to me for my 40th and he is the BEST gift I have every recieved!  His birthday was May 21st and we celebrated with a party in the dog park.  Enjoy the pictures!

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